Suffering, Anxiety, and faith
How do we grow in faith when our minds yearn for the comfort of depression, anxiety, and suffering?
It is the belief that if we fix our gaze on Christ, the mundane aspects of life can be transformed. He is what gives us purpose, light, hope, and strength. To fix our gaze on Christ is to participate in utter sacrifice, taking in His life-giving love. To encounter Christ in our daily life, we often move towards what is external: attending Mass, reading the Catechism, and reading Sacred Scripture. How does one make this external experience into an active reality?
Some would say move to prayer. Invite God into our minds and into our thoughts. Others tackle the challenge of a Novena and set intentions for their loved ones. Those who are moving towards intellectual and spiritual mastery try to apply theological doctrine to their understanding of daily life. If this was simply the answer to come to know Christ, more people would be actively seeking communion with God. What, then, is getting in the way of this revelation?
To actively participate in something is to give your whole being to it. A sacrifice of sorts where our heart and mind is working in the direction of one ultimate goal. A simple expression of this is to “Let go, and let God.” But are we ever truly letting go? Or is there something inside us that is getting in the way?
Perhaps what gets in the way is not our unwillingness to know God, but our inability to be fully present to Him. Our minds are constantly occupied: replaying old conversations, anticipating what might happen next, worrying about what we cannot control, and holding onto wounds we have yet to release. We can attend Mass, pray the Rosary, read Scripture, and study Church teachings, yet still find it difficult to quiet the interior noise that prevents us from presently encountering Christ.
To address why we are not fully present to Christ, we must first ask why we are not truly present to ourselves. What am I dealing with mentally that is preventing me from participating spiritually? Is it fear? Depression? Anxiety? Uncertainty? Suffering? To acknowledge our mental block is to bring attention to what’s not working so that we can shift our mindset to what is working. To know what gets in the way of our life worth living, our life for Christ, helps us grow spiritually.
One of the biggest mental blocks to spiritual growth is suffering. When we are hurting, it can become difficult to reconcile our pain with the belief that God is present and working in our lives. Suffering can cloud our ability to see beyond the immediate moment, leaving us questioning God's goodness, His presence, and even our own faith. Yet, there is still love in suffering. This is evident in Christ's Passion. Christ willingly entered into death and suffering out of His love for all of humanity. Additionally, despite our constant rejection of God, he chooses to remain faithful to us despite our constant rejection of Him. In this sense, God's suffering reveals the depth of His love: that the one who loves the most is also willing to suffer the most. When we begin to find meaning in our own suffering, we do not make the suffering itself good, but we can come to see what it can produce within us: perseverance, compassion, resilience, strength, and a deeper love for and dependence on God. In turning toward Him in the midst of our suffering rather than away from Him, our pain can both be a source of strength and a place of profound closeness to Christ.
Trusting in God doesn’t mean that we should be able to pray our struggles away, but rather that the emotional parts of our lives are a part of who we are and shape the way we encounter God.
With this in mind, "Letting go and letting God" is not simply surrendering our circumstances, but rather surrendering our need for control, our fear of uncertainty, and our desire to understand. God has the power to quiet our minds and our heart, He has the power to give us strength in our most dire and painful moments.
To fix our gaze on Christ does not mean that negative aspects of life suddenly disappear, but it does mean that we can begin to see them differently. In even the darkest aspects of our life, we can ask ourselves “How is God present with me right now? How can I ask Him for strength?” Thus, maybe the question is not, “How do I encounter Christ?” but rather, “What prevents me from noticing that He is already here?”
